Living In Harmony
by Alice Inoue
QUESTION :I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years, and I am not sure if he is “the one.” We recently moved in together, and I want to make sure nothing impedes us feng shui-wise so that we can explore the relationship without any unseen energetic challenges (there are enough challenges already). What do I need to be aware of?
What a great question! Relationships are hard enough on their own without environmental factors causing additional energetic challenges. Even the best relationships go through an adjustment period when the couple decides to live together. It’s wise to unmask any energetic stressors that could negatively affect the relationship before making such a major decision.
This rule applies not only to romantic partners or spouses, but also to the children, parents, siblings, and friends with whom you live. These connections sustain us during our challenges but are sometimes their source. My advice today will address energetic factors to consider for any two or more people living under the same roof.
Whenever you experience friction or even if things are not going as smoothly as you would like in a relationship, see if the problem is reflected in your environment.
If you were to divide your home into 9 equal areas (draw a tic-tac-toe grid over the foundation of your home), the center square would be your home’s heart, the most influential area, because without a strong center, your health, wealth and relationships can be affected.
If the home’s heart area is cluttered, clear it out, organize it, and create some space and breathing room. The center of a home is directly connected energetically to each of the other eight life areas in the home. The “negative” energy of clutter in the center area easily seeps into other areas, affecting everyone living in the home, making them feel stifled, restless, dissatisfied, and lacking in autonomy, or independence.
If the center area of your home is your kitchen (fire), you can tone down the tendency toward heated arguments and disagreements by avoiding fire colors, like red or purple, and instead calming the energy with “cooling colors,” like blues and blacks, or “grounding earth tone colors.”
A home whose heart area is the bathroom will drain a lot of the health and relationship energy. To avoid energy loss that manifests as flat relationship dynamics and to bring more energy in, use actual plants or plant motifs, and to balance the energy, use greens or browns.
Make certain that everyone has his or her own inviolate “space.” Shared space is important, but private space is necessary, even if in plain view. Does each person in the home have a space that is off-limits to everyone else, a place where no one says, “Clean this up?”
If one person lacks private space, it will show up as either a silent buildup of internal resentment or complaints and expressions of unfairness. Sometimes what looks like selfishness is really about a lack of private space and independence in the home. I have seen first-hand how adding private space almost instantly “cures” unhappy outbursts.
I talk about wall hangings all the time, because they are important. The messages on your walls play a big part in creating the energy that you, your partner, and your family experience each day. Make sure that the images on your walls properly convey what you want to experience. Is it peace? Love? Intimacy? Choose your images mindfully, making certain that they will send the subconscious messages you desire.
To understand the effect of pictures on the energy of a room, imagine that you are sitting in a small room with no windows and the only pictures on the walls are of broken dilapidated homes in slum-like unkempt neighborhoods. After a short while, your energy would feel drained and you would likely feel somewhat down. Next, imagine that the only images were those of million dollar homes, in beautiful neighborhoods with lush plants and trees. The energy of the room would take on an uplifting feeling, improving your mood and perhaps even your outlook on life.
As those of you who read my column know, I like to address the challenges we have in life by balancing changes in the outer environment with changes in the inner environment.
In any relationship, in addition to setting up your environment, remember to listen to and be present with your partner or those with whom you live. We all want to be heard and loved for who we are. What is it that the other person wants you to know and acknowledge? Sometimes we tend to forget to listen to our loved ones, and get caught up in the way we want them to be, instead of letting them be who they are and honoring and loving them for that.